Help a self harmer
Categories:
At least 1 in 10 young people will self harm before the age of 16. That makes it a huge issue and yet one that is often misunderstood by parents, teachers and those working with young people. This guide outlines some of the key reasons why young people self harm, how to support a young person who is harming and where to go to find more information and advice.
Starting points
You’ve been mentoring Katy for a while now, and as you sit in that cold one to one room she starts to tell you what’s really been going on. Slowly she opens up about how she sits alone at night feeling so low she carves at herself with a razor blade until she can no longer hold the blade or the tears back. Katy tells you she feels unattractive and unwanted, that at every argument at home she feels in the way, and that at school she lives in fear of attention being drawn to her and is relieved when the day is over. She worries so much about everything that she doesn’t enjoy anything anymore and wishes, just wishes she could be like other people, but knows she never could be. And you want to cry as you hear all this young person’s fear and pain come tumbling out, and wish you could tell her that what she felt wasn’t true, but this girl is hurting so much she couldn’t hear you even if you tried.
Then there’s Justin, he’s in year eleven now, you’ve known him for a few years, when he makes it to school he gets in trouble all the time and many are amazed he hasn’t been permanently excluded yet. You see him in a weekly anger management group, along with six other lads. Justin’s an entertainer, always quick with the jokes, and seems to be the centre of any group banter. As they are larking about you notice long lines running up his arms, his shirt mostly covers them, but when he reaches out your heart sinks. You realise they could only have been deliberate, and you think how can he be the life and soul of this group yet be in so much pain when he’s alone. You wonder how to begin talking about it.
Maybe you’ve been there when a young person tells you they are self-harming and you find yourself feeling helpless, not knowing how to respond for fear of dong the wrong thing. Maybe this is a completely new area, but one in which you want to be prepared for. The good news is that understanding just a little more about self-harm stops it being a scary subject and enables you to act with confidence as you support the young people you work with.
What is self harm?
Self-harm is when someone deliberately harms or injures themselves. About two thirds of those who self-harm use cutting as their primary method although there are lots of other ways people harm: including scratching or burning. Research in Luton in 2005 found that by the age of fourteen, 25% of girls and 12% of boys had self-harmed, other research suggests that over half of those who harm once will go on to harm again. This is consistent with a recent government commissioned report which found that currently in the UK 10% of teenagers were self-harming. These statistics show the issue to be far more ‘normal’ in the lives of young people than previously thought.
Why do young people self harm?
People self-harm when they feel overwhelmed by the emotions they are experiencing, be that deep sadness, frustration or even joy. The first time someone self-harms, they will usually feel completely at the end of their tether, desperate for something to relieve their anguish. When someone self-harms the body releases a rush of chemicals, similar to opiates like heroin, which gives the body a sense of unnatural calm, this gives some respite from the feelings and in that sense works. After the harming episode there is usually an extreme low that is coloured by guilt and shame. This leads to a dichotomous experience for the young person of finding momentary relief followed by deep regret, which turns into a cycle that brings huge anxiety to the young person.